Unlock the Code: 3 Keigo Rules to Master Japanese Honorifics and Shock Your Friends!
Have you ever felt a pang of fear when a Japanese colleague starts speaking in a way you can’t quite grasp?
That’s the moment when you’ve just been introduced to the terrifying, beautiful, and utterly essential world of Japanese honorifics, or keigo.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
My first time in a Japanese office, I was so proud of my conversational Japanese.
I could order ramen, ask for directions, and even make a few jokes.
Then, my boss introduced me to a new client, and it was like a different language was being spoken.
The verbs changed, the nouns changed, even the particles felt… wrong.
My carefully constructed Japanese language skills felt like a house of cards in a hurricane.
I stood there, smiling and nodding, completely lost.
It was a moment of profound cultural humility, and it’s a feeling a lot of us gaijin (foreigners) experience.
Keigo isn’t just a set of fancy words; it’s the very fabric of Japanese social and professional life.
It’s how you show respect, how you navigate hierarchies, and how you avoid accidentally offending someone in a way you didn’t even know was possible.
It’s a linguistic dance, and getting the steps wrong can lead to some truly awkward moments.
But here’s the secret: it’s not a mystery.
It’s a system with rules, and once you understand those rules, you’ll feel like a linguistic ninja, able to gracefully navigate any social situation.
Forget the myths that keigo is impossibly difficult.
I’m here to demystify it for you, to break down the three main types, and give you real-world, situational use cases that will make you feel confident, not terrified.
So, take a deep breath, and let’s dive into the fascinating world of keigo.
Table of Contents
The Three Pillars of Japanese Honorifics (Keigo)
Think of keigo not as a single language, but as a three-story building.
Each floor serves a different purpose, but they’re all connected.
Once you know what’s on each floor, you’ll stop getting lost in the elevator.
These three types are the core of everything.
If you remember nothing else, remember these three.
1. Sonkeigo (尊敬語): Respectful Language
This is the “elevating” language.
You use it to talk about someone of a higher social status, like a boss, a senior colleague, a client, or a teacher.
The purpose of Sonkeigo is to elevate the person you’re speaking to, putting them on a pedestal.
You’re not just talking; you’re showing respect through your words.
It’s like offering someone your best seat and a perfectly brewed cup of tea.
2. Kenjougo (謙譲語): Humble Language
This is the opposite of Sonkeigo.
You use it to talk about yourself or your in-group in a humble way.
The goal here is to lower your own status to show deference to the person you are speaking with.
Think of it as bowing not with your body, but with your words.
It’s an act of self-effacement that makes the other person feel important and valued.
“I’ll be doing this for you” becomes “I’ll humbly be doing this for you.”
3. Teineigo (丁寧語): Polite Language
This is the gateway drug to keigo.
It’s the polite form of Japanese that most students learn early on, using “masu” and “desu” endings.
Teineigo doesn’t elevate or humble anyone.
It simply makes your language polite and formal, suitable for most general situations where you don’t know someone well or are in a professional setting.
It’s the safety net.
When in doubt, use Teineigo, and you’ll probably be okay.
Sonkeigo: When to Show Up and Bow Down
Let’s get into the nitty-gritty of Sonkeigo.
This is where the real fun—and terror—begins.
You use this for a superior, a customer, or any person you want to show a high level of respect to.
The most common way to form Sonkeigo is by using special, irregular verbs.
Instead of saying “iku” (to go), you say “irassharu.”
Instead of “miru” (to see), you say “goran ni naru.”
It’s like switching out your regular work boots for a pair of polished, custom-made shoes.
The effect is instantaneous and powerful.
Key Sonkeigo Verbs (The Irregular Powerhouses)
– Iku/Kuru (行く/来る, to go/come): Becomes irassharu (いらっしゃる).
– Suru (する, to do): Becomes nasaru (なさる).
– Taberu/Nomu (食べる/飲む, to eat/drink): Becomes meshiagaru (召し上がる).
– Miru (見る, to see): Becomes goran ni naru (ご覧になる).
– Iu (言う, to say): Becomes ossharu (おっしゃる).
I’ll never forget the first time I heard a colleague use “ossharu” to refer to what our boss said.
It hit me like a ton of bricks—this wasn’t just a language, it was an entire social structure embedded in words.
The ‘O-‘ and ‘Go-‘ Prefix Rule (Adding Polish)
You can also create Sonkeigo by adding a prefix to a noun or a verb stem.
For example, “shigoto” (work) becomes “o-shigoto.”
“Renraku” (contact) becomes “go-renraku.”
You’ll see this everywhere, especially in written communication.
It’s a small change with a huge impact.
Kenjougo: The Art of Humble Bragging (But Without the Bragging)
This is where things get a bit tricky for Westerners.
We’re taught to be confident and to speak highly of our own achievements.
In Japan, humility is a virtue, and Kenjougo is the linguistic manifestation of that.
The person you’re speaking to is the center of the universe, and you are simply a humble servant in their orbit.
It’s not about being weak; it’s about being respectful.
You use Kenjougo for yourself or your “uchigawa” (in-group), like your family or your company, when speaking to an “sotogawa” (out-group) person, like a client.
This is a crucial concept.
You speak humbly about your own company to a client because your company is your “in-group” and the client is your “out-group” of higher status.
Key Kenjougo Verbs (Humble Yourself)
– Iku/Kuru (行く/来る, to go/come): Becomes mairu (参る).
– Miru (見る, to see): Becomes haiken suru (拝見する).
– Iu (言う, to say): Becomes mousu (申す).
– Suru (する, to do): Becomes itasu (致す).
– Taberu/Nomu (食べる/飲む, to eat/drink): Becomes itadaku (いただく).
Think of a business meeting.
A client might say, “When will your boss come?” using Sonkeigo.
You would reply, “My boss will humbly come” using Kenjougo.
My boss is part of my in-group, so even though they are my superior, I speak humbly about them to the client.
This is a mental hurdle, but once you clear it, everything falls into place.
Teineigo: The Foundation of All Politeness
This is the one we all know and love.
Or at least, the one we all start with.
Teineigo is the safe zone.
It’s the default polite form of speech, and you can use it in almost any situation without causing offense.
It’s what you use with strangers, your boss in a less formal context, or anyone you want to be polite to.
The key here is the “masu” and “desu” endings.
– Iku (to go) -> Ikimasu (行きます)
– Gohan (rice) -> Gohan desu (ご飯です)
This is the universal sign that you are being respectful, without specifying the social hierarchy.
If you’re ever in a situation where you’re unsure which keigo to use, Teineigo is your best friend.
It’s like a linguistic “get out of jail free” card.
Keigo in Action: Real-World Scenarios and How to Win
Understanding the three types is one thing.
Using them correctly in the wild is a whole different beast.
Let’s walk through a few common scenarios and see how a keigo master would handle them.
Keigo and Your Workplace: Internal vs. External Communication
This is the classic battlefield of keigo.
Imagine you’re in the office, talking to a colleague who is your senior.
You want to show respect, so you’d use Sonkeigo when talking about them.
For instance, “部長はもうお帰りになりましたか？” (Buchō wa mō okaeri ni narimashita ka?) – “Has the department head already gone home?”
Here, “okaeri ni naru” is the Sonkeigo for “kaeru” (to go home).
Now, imagine a client calls.
The client is an “out-group” person of higher status than everyone in your company.
When talking about your department head to the client, you would use Kenjougo.
“はい、部長はただいま席を外しております。” (Hai, Buchō wa tadaima seki o hazushite orimasu.) – “Yes, the department head has just stepped away from their desk.”
“Orimasu” is the Kenjougo of “iru,” and “seki o hazushite orimasu” is a humble way of saying they’re not there.
This is a nuanced point that often trips up even advanced learners.
The key is the perspective: are you talking about your in-group to an out-group, or are you talking about your superior to a person of similar or lower status?
Keigo on the Phone: Aural Acrobatics
Phone calls are a special kind of hell for a keigo beginner.
You don’t have body language, so everything has to be communicated through words alone.
If a client calls and asks to speak to your boss, you can’t just say, “Buchō wa imasen.” (The boss isn’t here).
That’s way too blunt and informal.
Instead, you’d use something like, “申し訳ございませんが、部長はただいま外出しております。” (Mōshiwake gozaimasen ga, Buchō wa tadaima gaishutsu shite orimasu.)
This translates to, “I am terribly sorry, but the department head is currently out.”
Notice the use of “mōshiwake gozaimasen” (a very humble apology) and “gaishutsu shite orimasu” (the humble form of “to be out”).
You’re humbling yourself and your boss to the client.
It’s a masterpiece of politeness.
The Keigo Mindset: It’s More Than Just Words
As I’ve stumbled and learned over the years, I’ve realized that keigo isn’t just about memorizing verb conjugations.
It’s about adopting a different way of thinking.
It’s about understanding that you are a small part of a larger whole, and that showing respect to those around you is a prerequisite for social harmony.
Keigo is the language of empathy and consideration.
It’s about making the other person feel comfortable and respected.
It’s a way of saying, “I see you, I respect your position, and I am here to facilitate a smooth interaction.”
Common Mistakes and My “Facepalm” Moments
Trust me, I’ve made all the mistakes.
I once used Kenjougo to talk about a client, accidentally humbling them instead of myself.
The look on my colleague’s face was a mixture of horror and pity.
I also once tried to use a complex keigo form and ended up using a slightly wrong verb, which made me sound like I was trying too hard and failing spectacularly.
My advice?
Start with Teineigo and slowly introduce the other forms as you get more comfortable.
It’s better to be simply polite than to be overly ambitious and mess it up.
The Japanese are forgiving of a learner’s mistakes, but they appreciate the effort.
Keigo, Context, and the Non-Verbal Clues
The words are just part of the puzzle.
Keigo is also deeply intertwined with non-verbal communication.
The depth of your bow, the way you hand over a business card (with both hands, facing the other person), and even the tone of your voice all play a part.
These non-verbal cues reinforce the respect you are trying to convey with your words.
So, when you see a Japanese person bowing deeply while on the phone, they aren’t bowing to the phone.
They are bowing to the person on the other end, reinforcing the humble language they are using.
It’s all part of the same system.
Become a Keigo Pro with These Resources
Mastering keigo is a journey, not a destination.
It takes time, practice, and a lot of listening.
To help you on your way, here are some fantastic resources that helped me.
Don’t just read about keigo; listen to it, practice it, and try to understand the feeling behind it.
And remember, it’s okay to make mistakes.
Every mistake is a learning opportunity.
Your Japanese colleagues will appreciate the effort you’re making to understand their culture.
So go out there, start with Teineigo, and when you’re ready, take a deep breath and give Sonkeigo and Kenjougo a try.
You’ve got this.
Japanese, Keigo, Honorifics, Sonkeigo, Kenjougo